New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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