I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
