i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
