I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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