I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
