you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
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I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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