how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
