I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
