I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
