Yo dont text me then not text me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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