mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
