Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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