John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's rum buckets o'clock
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
