Where are you?
In a non slutty way
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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