she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
