i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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