I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I need a beard to bite.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
