Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
