You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
