Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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