I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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