i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
