I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
