does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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