dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize