I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
