I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
