mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
