If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
