Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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