Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
