i love accidental penises.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
