Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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