I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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