they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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