Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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