If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
