and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
