i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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