Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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