Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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