when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
