Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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