you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just had sex on a roof
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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