I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
