This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
