Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
