she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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