i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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