Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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