The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I will pee on everything he values.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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