my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
