Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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