yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
