Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
