When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
