First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
