it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
