Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
