Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
should my penis look like a turkey
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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