as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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