Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize