my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize