i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
