I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Your cock deserves a montage
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
