Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
