So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
