We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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