A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
